By: Linda Grabeman
I’m wearing my heart on my sleeve here, so treat it kindly, please.
After inviting all who wanted to join our blog conversation a few weeks ago, I pressed the button to send out our weekly email blast. It was my turn to write the blog. Unfortunately, I pressed something incorrectly (who knows what!) and because of that, it appeared that no one was reading the email.
Not. One. Person.
I pushed the refresh button a ridiculous number of times, each a little more forcefully than the last time. I texted Chloe at college. No response.
So, I called, in tears. You see, Chloe and I are pros at confessing to each other all the things we should have done, could have done, or sadly, have done poorly.
We are our own harshest critics, but we are also each other’s biggest encouragers. When one of us degrades herself, the other lifts, cheers, and applauds. We are not only mother and daughter, we are best friends, speaking Jesus-words to each other when we need them.
As we chatted, we were sure of two things:
- I’m computer-challenged.
- THE BEAST had reared its ugly head again.
Oh, you know this two-faced beast as well as I do —
the ugly stepsisters of Identity and Insecurity. Each as monstrous as the other.
On a normal day, my identity is quite secure. I’m a dearly beloved daughter of Christ.
But not during this crisis.
Suddenly, I am spinning helplessly in the wash cycle of comparison and competition, questioning my identity and what defines me. Caught in that centrifugal spin, gasping for air, I’m wrung hard and hung up wet. I desperately want to get out and find a quiet closet to be folded and stored. Out of circulation.
But I know it’s soul-searching time. I need to realize what threw me in the wash: listening to the wrong voice! I heard only the demeaning, discouraging and meanspirited voice, not the voice of my Lord. The Accuser was doing what he does best – screaming in my ear.
The problem at the core was far more serious than my social media mess-up or my ineptitude at the computer. Satan, the Opportunist, was the primary problem. He saw a perfect chance to emotionally scrub, tumble and totally get me off-kilter and he took it. The goal: derail my blog, which was pointing to Jesus.
I needed to repeat to myself what I regularly say to my children, “Consider the Source…whose Voice are you hearing?”
Either we listen to Truth or we fall for lies — comparing ourselves to other “better” Christians; counting “Likes”, or letting numbers
define or determine our value. When we listen and look to
the Lord and His Word, we can embrace our identity in Him with abandon. It’s absolute freedom.
Crisis now over. Wash cycle finished. Spin cycle of confusion slowing to a halt.
Grace won the day.
Hope this story helps you.